Today, 6/3/2019, I was at work from 8am to 5:30pm. Most of work happens on one level but occasionally, I need to step away from my department, my work area, and move to another department, or even another building.
Today, I went to the building across the street for a meeting with two Executives. Let's call them "J" and "B."
This particular building has three levels so it requires me to go through the lobby and use the elevator - and I did.
The meeting? Well, it was productive, it was fast. It served the intended purpose and for the most part, the three of us each walked out with our individual desired outcome.
We shook hands, smiled, engaged in some brief departing small talk and then I hit the men's room for some much needed relief after two cups of black coffee this morning. No sugar. No cream. I'm a self-professed Keto-head, after all.
About 4 minutes later, as I left the men's room, and attempted to exit the building, I turned a corner near the elevator and heard both executives talking in a side room, the copy room, a very small copy room with apparently exceptional acoustics. I walked past, positioned myself in front of the elevator, pressed the call button and waited. They didn't see me pass and could not see me at all. They likely thought I left the building 4 minutes ago after the meeting ended.
Although their interaction was brief, this was what I heard as I waited for the elevator to take me up . . . (Of course, I'm doing my best to recollect this after a long day, so this is paraphrased.)
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B: Hey, y'know that JM lives in Eureka Springs and commutes nearly an hour every day to work here in Springdale and back again, right?
J: Yeah, he must really love that crazy place to live all the way up there and work down here. I gotta tell ya, it's a little too much "peace, love and woo-woo" up there for me, but I can see how HE would like it.
B: What do you mean?
J: You know.
B: Know what?
J: He's married to a dude.
Gay people like all that "peace, love and woo-woo."
B: <chuckling> He's a lot more than that one thing. Have you taken any time to get to know him? He's a pretty interesting guy; plus, when was the last time you've been up to visit Eureka? There are just about 2000 people living up there and not every dude is married to a dude.
By this point, I was utterly frozen in front of the elevator - the door is wide open now and waiting for me to board. Thinking quickly on my feet, I decide to pull out my cell phone and start scrolling with the intention of missing the elevator, under the guise that I just had to answer "this one important text." Of course, I only stayed there at that moment just to continue to listen while staring at the cell and faux-scrolling.
J: Yeah. I guess I just have difficulty completely relating to him. Y'know - man to man.
B: <chuckling>... because he has a Husband? Dude, you're crazy, it's 2019. JM is cool. Give him a chance. You'd like him.
The copy room went silent for a split second so I pressed to call the elevator again, and then...
B: Ask him out on a coffee date and get to know him, y'know man to man.
They both laughed very hard at that point.
I must admit - I smiled. I underestimated B's open mind and wit.
Then the pièce de résistance...
J: Hey, do you think he's going through mid-life crisis trying to maintain a body like that at 50? I read once that mid-lifers who fear death go overboard with health stuff.
Their voices seemed to change acoustically which gave me the instinct they were exiting that room so I turned and took the stairs - very fast.
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Mid-life crisis? Fear death? Go overboard with health stuff? Completely relating? What? What the...
Well, needless to say for the rest of the day, I was totally distracted. At one point I googled, mid-life crisis. I mean, I've been so engrossed in living my best life for so long, I'm a bit shocked that my mid-life crisis has apparently crept up on me all of a sudden and I am entirely unaware.
6:30pm (after my overboard workout at the gym)
I start my commute home to Eureka Springs. On my nearly-one-hour-commute, I appreciated that time to ponder this event and try to better understand it and it's relevance to me.
I wasn't a half-mile from the office when the questions in my head started, then the roller coaster of emotions. Then fear death? ... then ... and ... then ... you know how it goes. The mind is an incredible set of complex faculties.
Fifty minutes later, I arrive at our sign - Eureka Springs, AR population 2073.
I've arrived back in mid-life crisis town, in my mid-life crisis body.
PEACE
When I got home, I parked the car, opened the car door and listened to the beautiful sounds of Eureka Springs. I do this ritual every night because I love hearing the peaceful songs of birds and the sounds of nature as I unload the car with my sweaty gym gear and get into the house.
LOVE
I kissed my wonderful husband Jeff hello and I took a moment to settle myself on my back on the sofa. He kissed my forehead.
WOO-WOO
I laid down on the sofa, closed my eyes in an attempt to get into alignment - and I did.
I meditated. Jeff, courteously gave me space.
Although my meditation was brief, this was what I heard as I waited for my mind elevator to take me up...(Again, paraphrased after a long day.)
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...you're awareness has shifted and you're wasting time on this one minor event, meanwhile you are alive, living your best life, in the best shape of your life. Where is your awareness right now? Why is it there and not on the things you love and care about? Why are you not aware of your beautiful town in the Ozarks, the birds, Jeff, your health, balance, determination, drive, talent, your home, your family? Why are you concerning yourself about something that you cannot control, that you cannot change? You know already that you don't fear death, nor will you witness it? Don't be misguided by events in life such as this, the lessons are in the details. See the details and then move forward - don't look backward. Just because it was said doesn't make it true. You're going up.
Your path, since you were a little tot has brought you much joy and continues to do so every day on Earth and more often than not, you embrace, appreciate, bask and show your gratitude and satisfaction around every turn. Don't let one event take away your sharp awareness to who you are, where you are and where you're going - You're going up.
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I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High. -Isaiah 14:14
In conclusion, today's life lesson for me is this - if projecting "peace, love and woo-woo" while attempting to do my very best day in and day out to achieve a healthy balance between work, life, fitness, family and fun while in this mid-life body, residing in beautiful Eureka Springs, and being married to wonderful Jeff, is my mid-life crisis - Amen, I am truly blessed.
Today's event strengthened things for me on so many levels. I intend to increase the practice of awareness, harness my focus and stay in alignment more often than not.
In the eternal elevator, I AM going up!
Eureka Springs, AR
Some may see this place as "peace, love and woo-woo" but that is not a bad thing. Since being here, I have found that these surroundings and these people cultivate a safe place. A safe place, of radical inclusion, that helps you be who you are, live well, harness your focus, shift your awareness, connect with nature, have fun, embrace life and set new intentions. I landed right where I want to be - and smack in the middle of my WONDERFUL mid-life crisis.
In keeping with my true self, I love all others (including "J" and "B") and I accept others for who they are, what they believe, their qualities and differences, their words, flaws, talent and so much more. Today's event, although witty at times, I must say, did impact my life experience because I chose to let it. But I have no regrets. In doing so, this interesting blog-post was created, which I am grateful for and despite all of this, I realize that no one is just one way all of the time.
J&B, too, have their "peace love and woo-woo" days. They have their stories to live, too. I can't be angry, hurt or upset at this event and at the same time stay in alignment with my true self. I choose love. Always love. So, I simply make a deliberate choice to keep it light and ponder this ironic witty thought about it all instead:
Too much J&B and you're going down.
I'm going up with or without you two.
Peace, love and woo-woo.
JM,
I was looking for your Keri posts and found Going Up. I am so glad I did on so many levels.
1. I am glad you wrote this post and shared the experience and your lessons learned. I too am a person who sees lessons learned in my life from painful of challenging experienves.
2. You have put a personal face to the discrimination gay people face around the world on a daily basis and have brought it into the light publically. I hope people read your story and learn "we" are all just humans trying to live our best lives no matter our sexual orientation, sex, colour, nationality, ages, income level, family of origin, etc. And, instead of…