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Writer's pictureJohn-Michael Scurio

Ozark tarantulas

Happy Halloween!


Yep! This T-dude lives here and, to me, that's creepy as ... bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!


Ozark tarantulas, scientifically known as Aphonopelma hentzi, are a species of tarantula native to the southern United States, including the Ozark region. These fascinating arachnids are known for their relatively large size, mild temperament, and nocturnal lifestyle.


Look, let me tell you why you won’t like these spiders — because they're spiders. That’s the first thing. And I know, they’re “Ozark tarantulas” or whatever, but honestly, a spider with a zip code still has eight legs, y'know?


If you want to hear me scream like a teenage girl on a rollercoaster, then take me on a rollercoaster. LOL. But, also, if you want to hear me scream like a teenage girl on a rollercoaster, show me one of these spiders - in real life.


Now, let's actually talk about these things — first of all, they’re huge. I’m not talking “Oh, there’s a little bug on the wall, honey, please send a memo.” ...and that's when Jeff grabs a paper towel and "sends a memo."


No, these are the kind of spiders that, when you see one, you consider listing your house on the market. Like, do I want to share real estate with a creature that could double as a stand-in for a Halloween decoration? Not particularly. But, that's just me. :)


OK, so, don’t even get me started on their burrows.

Yeah, they live underground. (ummm, what?)


This is like the spider version of a secret bunker. You’re just walking along, minding your own business, and beneath you is some eight-legged conspiracy theory waiting to unfold. It’s like they’re running an underworld down there while you’re worried about what toppings to put on your pizza.


Oh, and their “defense mechanism” — that’s adorable. When threatened, they flick hairs at you. Flick hairs!


Who needs that kind of passive-aggressive relationship with wildlife?

Okay, here’s the thing. All this tarantula-humor aside, life in the Ozarks? It's amazing.


What blows my mind most about life in the Ozarks is that the people here know it's amazing and so they live it and love it every day. What's more, they want to make beautiful experiences happen for others that live here, too.


Here, in Eureka Springs, it's like nature took a vacation and just never left. Rolling hills, rivers so clean you wonder if you’ve time-traveled back to a pre-plastic world when trees practically begged for you to come sit under them. It's serene here, peaceful. It's like the landscape is giving you a hug.

Oh yeah, and there are tarantulas.


But you know what? They don't matter. Not in the grand scheme of things, anyway. Think of it like this: You’re in the middle of the most beautiful, postcard-worthy scene, surrounded by natural beauty that makes you reconsider “I need to be connected to Wi-Fi at all times” life philosophy. Do you really think a spider — however hairy or leggy — can ruin that?


The Ozarks are filled with things that make life worth living. There’s the fresh, crisp air that practically does your deep breathing exercises for you. The sunsets that splash the sky with colors you didn’t even know existed, like a painter just threw every shade of pink, purple, and gold onto the horizon. It’s as if every evening is its own private art show.


And the people

The people here are the salt of the earth; friendly, in that way that almost feels like you’ve known them your whole life. You walk into a small-town diner, and before you know it, you’re chatting with someone about the best fishing spots. You can’t get that kind of connection with anyone online, no matter how many followers you have.


Plus, have you ever been to an Ozark festival? It’s like a combination of homemade pies, live music, and stories that have been passed down for generations, all wrapped up in a weekend that makes you forget the modern world even exists.





Ok, now, back to the tarantulas. Sure, they’re here, but let’s be honest — they’re minding their own business.


These aren’t spiders with an agenda. They’re not plotting against humanity. They’re not showing up uninvited to your barbecue.


They're like that quiet neighbor who lives across the street — you know they exist, but you rarely see them, and when you do, you just nod politely and carry on with your day. Tarantulas in the Ozarks aren’t some horror movie monster; they’re a small, almost invisible footnote in a much larger story.


In fact, they’re part of the ecosystem that makes this place so special. They help keep things balanced, in their own creepy, crawly way. But honestly, when you’re sitting on a porch, sipping sweet tea, and listening to the sounds of nature, are you really thinking about spiders?


No, you’re thinking about how lucky you are to be in a place where life slows down enough for you to appreciate the small moments. And those small moments? They’re a lot bigger than any eight-legged critter hanging out in the shadows.❤️

"Tarantula Shlamantula" - I love it here!



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